in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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