I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
