I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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