I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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