There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
