My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
