I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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