Ambien. No doubt about it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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