What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
