Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
