Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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