Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
