Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
