I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
