I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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