I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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