I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize