guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
