Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
two words...techno handjob
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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