my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize