I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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