but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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