I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
