we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
