Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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