Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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