Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My ATM looks so different sober.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
