Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
