woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
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