dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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