I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize