turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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