I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I am midnight drunk by noon
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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