i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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