i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
