So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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