I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
