The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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