Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i will never coherently bang her
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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