I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We were destined to go to rehab together
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
