true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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