Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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