Taylor Swift is so right about you.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
