Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
