all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
