How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think your dad took our porno
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
