He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
