and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
