So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize