it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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