The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
