wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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