your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
