This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
