i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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