He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
