yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
