Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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