I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
