He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just gift wrapped bread.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
