No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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