So drunk its hurt
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
