There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
