Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
