Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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