Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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