btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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