i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize