my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
