Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
