And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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