Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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