its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
