When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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