I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
And then he peed in my hair
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