You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
