i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
