so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
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