she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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