have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
