How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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