i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
