i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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