hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
