Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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