I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
