Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
