ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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