I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
