woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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