i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
