So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
