ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
