Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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