Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
