there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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