pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
