i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
