You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
