pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
