I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I stole a fireplace last night.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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