is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
someone owes me an orgasm
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
