Little spoons don't ask big questions
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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