I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
