Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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